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What do you need?
I don’t know about you, but I hate feeling ‘needy.’ I suspect if you’re following my blogs, you may be similar. Do you tend to look after everyone else first?
This last month, I have petered out. My body has given me COVID, then four migraines followed by another cold, and in doing so, it has insisted I rest.
A couple of weeks ago, at the end of a therapy session, my therapist set me some homework. She wanted me to identify one need, and one want daily. The wants I could do, but I found it so hard to identify even one need. I felt like I had everything essential. I certainly didn’t want to ask anybody for anything. There I was, being independent, self-sufficient, thinking I was superwoman. But I’m not, and neither are you. It is that kind of thinking that led me to exhaustion and ill health.
I fed back the following week and said how hard the homework was and how I disliked being ‘needy.’ Again, I discovered when challenged that I judge myself harshly for having needs that I would consider normal and would gladly meet for any friend.
I say to myself, “Improve,” but to my friend, “That’s great.”
I say to myself, “Press on,” but to my friend, “Take a rest.”
I say to myself, “You should be able to do that on your own,” but to my friend, “Of course you need help.”
I say to myself, “Pull yourself together,” but to my friend, “I’m sure crying will help.”
I retook a look at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I had studied this theory in college.
We all have needs - it’s human.
If you have ever flown, you will have seen the safety advice that in case of an incident, you should always put your own mask on first before helping others. It is like this with needs. When your own needs are met, you are so much better placed to meet the needs of others.
I have been taking my homework seriously. I have been identifying my needs and surprise surprise, I do have some. I’m not going to share them here but having seen them I have taken myself for a massage, booked a break away in February, and asked for help. It does feel a little self-indulgent, but I’m working on that emotion.
HOW ABOUT YOU?